25 years... it's a substantial period in one's lifetime.

By the time one is 25, one expects to have a plan charted out for the years to come... you expect it from yourself, everyone else expects it from you. Even the 2 eternal interview questions (long term and short term goals) scream out the necessity of a lifemap (for want of a better word) at you. It is taken as a given that by this time you know for certain where you want to go in life... professionally as well as personally.

These expectations make me feel sort of incompetent... you see, i haven't yet charted out my destiny... i don't know where i am going or why. I don't know what i'll do the next instant... forget about tomorrow or five years hence. I am just floating along, doing things that have to be done, doing things as they come along. I haven't stopped yet to ponder what will be the cumulative and long term effect of my actions. i haven't stopped to consider if the career i am pursuing is the one i want to be in... if the relationships that i make are the ones i want to be in...

On one level i'm afraid to look back. When sometimes i take a sneak peek, i realize that these years were a complete waste. All this while i've been doing things that are considered proper... i did my engg because it was the right field to be in... n the next logical step was an MBA.. now i'm old enough to get married so everyone is busy looking for a groom and i'm solemnly nodding my acceptance as it is the right thing to do.... i have to work, take care of my family, get married like a dutiful daughter, have kids like a dutiful wife, surround myself with societal bonds like a virtuous woman...

So i'm afraid...

what if i stop to think about ME?

liked this one...

http://manaskriti.com/kaavyaalaya/chup_see_lagee_hai.stm

A thought...

Good things in life come to a quick end... why don't they last a lifetime?? Can we not be assured of having them forever.. or atleast until we want them?? why do we have to let go without drinking our fill first... they vanish just as we realise their importance in our lives. And we are left alone... filled with regret...

Placement season

The new year always begins with a flurry of activity, taking stock of things, looking at things left unfinished, new resolutions and renewed hopes.

The beginning of this year is very significant to some of the people i know. This year begins with the placement season. After a gruelling month of attending presentations after presentations, having mindless group discussions, HR interviews and getting shortlisted, the D-day has finally arrived.

I have seen people go through a lot in the past month. I saw the perky enthusiasm with which they began, the joy of those who got placed early and the feeling of relief. I saw the smiles slowly beginning to wane as comapnies came and left taking just a handful. I was witness to the accusations and insults that were thrown about, and the feeling of utter dispair that lead to bitter feelings. I saw tears when a much coveted profile slipped through into someone else's lap and gaity when unexpectedly one was in.

And i was there... right in the middle of it, but yet unaffected and detatched. I came n sat n watched the drama, but never participated. True i wanted a job too... but somewhere inside i knew i will get one, and hence there was no apprehension. I had no expectations and hence no dispair. There were only two disappointments for me but i didn't let myself be pulled down... and then one day... just like that, i was placed. There was no joy, no elation, just a feeling that "fine, this is over and done with".

I still observed people, and spoke to them. The nervousness was palpable in the air... there was one thought in every mind.."will i get it?"

Tomorrow is the day which will decide the career path of many... a much awaited day...

Let's see what it brings...