25 years... it's a substantial period in one's lifetime.

By the time one is 25, one expects to have a plan charted out for the years to come... you expect it from yourself, everyone else expects it from you. Even the 2 eternal interview questions (long term and short term goals) scream out the necessity of a lifemap (for want of a better word) at you. It is taken as a given that by this time you know for certain where you want to go in life... professionally as well as personally.

These expectations make me feel sort of incompetent... you see, i haven't yet charted out my destiny... i don't know where i am going or why. I don't know what i'll do the next instant... forget about tomorrow or five years hence. I am just floating along, doing things that have to be done, doing things as they come along. I haven't stopped yet to ponder what will be the cumulative and long term effect of my actions. i haven't stopped to consider if the career i am pursuing is the one i want to be in... if the relationships that i make are the ones i want to be in...

On one level i'm afraid to look back. When sometimes i take a sneak peek, i realize that these years were a complete waste. All this while i've been doing things that are considered proper... i did my engg because it was the right field to be in... n the next logical step was an MBA.. now i'm old enough to get married so everyone is busy looking for a groom and i'm solemnly nodding my acceptance as it is the right thing to do.... i have to work, take care of my family, get married like a dutiful daughter, have kids like a dutiful wife, surround myself with societal bonds like a virtuous woman...

So i'm afraid...

what if i stop to think about ME?