Went to a gala party yesterday... all dressed up for the occasion... feeling hot n sexy n chic... but parties somehow have lost the zing they had before... or maybe the parties are the same but i have lost the zing... the idea of booze, acrid smoke, and sweaty bodies fills me with revulsion now.. and i wonder why the thought never entered my mind before?? The smells of sickly sweet perfumes mixed with sweat, sometimes vomit, and smoke makes me nauseaus now... maybe earlier it all escaped notice because i was lost in myself... but these days when i watch people dancing it looks like meanigless writhing of animals in ecstacy...and somehow i cannot allow myself to be a part of it...
yesterday was a picture of all that i find disgusting.. people drunk, out of their senses.. leering.. vomiting.. fighting.. crying... it was supposed to be a happy occasion.. i didn't find happiness anywhere.. not even within me.. so i left... wondering why i keep coming back to witness such filth..
but yesterday was a major turning point in my life.. for reasons best known to myself.. maybe i'll share them some day.. i am not ready yet..
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