Family - stressing people out since the beginning of time

Don't get me wrong. I love my family and all the quirks they come with. But that doesn't stop me from pulling my hair out after spending 5 minutes with them!

Navigating a family gathering is a balancing act that no rope walker can match. Fine lines and eggshells are everywhere and there are some land mines. Some of us try to tip-toe around and wince when others stomp by. Everyone is always right but nothing is right; everyone has an opinion that doesn't match with anyone; and the combined knowledge in the room is more significant than Google. Caustic remarks, hidden barbs, and words of wisdom fly everywhere like arrows on a battlefield. I usually hide behind the shield of a book or the screen of my laptop.

Try and order food, no two people want to eat the same thing, yet people want to defer to others preference. If you order something in sheer frustration and because it's time for restaurants to close, you get criticized by everyone for your choice.

Want to watch TV? Really? You must've lost your mind. It's impossible to agree on one show everyone wants to watch - leaving aside the complaints of those who don't want to watch it at all as it comes in the way of their gossip.

Gossip - that's the only thing that goes well. Because then the combined critical power of the group is directed towards someone else not present. It also goes well in smaller groups that collect together to talk about the other groups - meaningful glances are an added bonus.

I could go on, but I have to leave the safe haven of my laptop and order food now :(... wish me luck!

The crafty me: Pen holder

This is really a longish exercise. Really to do on a dull weekend or if you really really want a handmade penholder. But a great activity to do with kids :)

You will need:
Newspaper - tear small strips around 4-6 inches long and 1 inch wide
Water
Glue
Plastic cup the size of the pen holder - this will be your mould
Vaseline
Acrylic paints
Brushes

How to:
Dip the newspaper strips in water and leave for a few hours.
Rub a little vaseline on the outside of the plastic cup. This avoids the paper sticking to the mold.
Cover the outside of the plastic cup with one layer of newspaper strips.
Spread a layer of glue on this layer and cover with another layer of strips.
Put the strips overlapping each other and in a criss cross manner for them to hold better.
Repeat this process 10-15 times and leave it to dry in shade for a 1-2 days.
When the paper is dry take out the plastic cup. The inside will still be a little wet. Cover any stray strips of paper with more glue.
Glue a cardboard round to the inside base of the holder to give it more stability and leave to dry for another day.
The top edge of the pen holder will be a little rough, cut it with scissors to even it out. The holder is now ready for you to paint in any color and pattern

Go Goa Gone... I wish I hadn't

I am always deluded in to thinking that I've seen the worst movie of my life, but someone proves me wrong again. And this time it was Go Goa Gone. I've never seen such utter load of s*** ever before. Or maybe I am just too old and this probably resonates with the 90's generation, hence the rave reviews.

The movie began well enough, and though the dialogues were an attempt at good humored banter, they just fell flat because the actors couldn't make it seem natural. Anyway, if the movie had continued in the same vein, there may have been some saving grace. But then the second half happened.

That was truly made of the zombies, by the zombies and for the zombies. Ketchup and flour covered people in various hippie garbs limping away with stiff limbs was just so not my idea of humor or horror. And I really don't know what to say about Saif who's a Delhi guy pretending to be a Russian don. And once we discover that he is well versed in Hindi and can do MC, BC with the best of them, one wonders why he still keeps on with the Russian accent in English? As for the heroine; she has only one agenda, to assert over and over again that she is a good girl.

The zombies never eat anyone completely and you wonder why considering they are so hungry. Also, though a drug has made them zombies, if they bite you, you become one too. How? the drug is flowing through their teeth? The writers definitely have their mythical creatures mixed up. And by the way, if you throw more drugs at them, they petrify!

No one knows why Saif is saving these 4 morons and not leaving them to die on the island. And if he saved these 4 then why not more.

Finally they escape from the island and the worst is yet to come (for the audience I mean). When they reach the main land they discover the zombies have already reached it. It's anyone's guess how, since there was no ferry, no boat, nothing. And they couldn't have swum over since they could barely limp. It just means there will be a sequel.

And to quote the movie "what do we know and what have we learnt" - it's the most brainless movie ever made and never ever in any circumstance go for part 2!

Dan Brown and Dante

If not Dante's I've finally read Dan Brown's Inferno. Made quick work of it, 6 hours on a beautiful Sunday with endless supply of munchies and tea. Now I'm wondering if my Sunday could have been better spent? But that's the thing; once I start a book, it's tough for me to put it down, no matter what the content.

So Mr. Brown's formula wins again. Find some artists from the middle ages. Find some common things they worked on. Spot them in churches (this time a mosque too). Mix, match, run across countries and cities followed by gunmen who ultimately help you (you'd think Robert Langdon would have learnt that by now given that he solves puzzles so quick!). It's interesting how the characters always have time to explain the history and the story of the artists and mull over their various works... I mean hello, you have a world to save!

In any case, the story is entertaining and of course I like that unlike movies the destruction is not solely aimed at the US of A (honestly I was sick of THAT - I mean ETs always land in the US, 2012 happens there, Armageddon is tackled by them and god knows what not. Seriously, it's annoying... there is the rest of the world too people. And more populated than the US. Sheesh!). So anyway, we now have a new epicenter for fanatics, Italy. And lots of question on the ways of the church, which I being an atheist, am quite OK with.

With Inferno, Dan has made an attempt at education (telling us that the world is coming to an end - which again I agree with), criticized the world institutions - WHO, governments and the church (fine again) and given a cure to the world's ills - mass sterilization (:D super cool). All this while accompanied by a hot, young, super intelligent chick who as usual falls for Mr. Langdon's charms.

Getting a mixed review? Ok, to sum it up - the read is entertaining as always, but the story is nothing new. It's the same formula as his previous books. So if you are ok with that, and with his interpretation of Dante, by all means pick it up. I for one hope that he tries another formula now, this concoction is getting a little 'been there done that'

The crafty me: Bread Flowers

To while away time when I am bugged, I resort to some sort of art. This was my experience with bread flowers long ago when I was into decorating clay pots. So here is how you can make them.

You'll need
White bread - 2-3 slices
Fevicol or any white glue - approx 1 tsp glue per slice
Oil paint - a few drops of desired colors (red, green, yellow etc)
Thin sticks to use as stems - cover these sticks with green/brown paper or paint

How to:
Remove the brown crusts from all the bread slices. We will not be using the crust. Break the bread slices into small pieces. Mix the bread pieces and white glue together in a bowl to make a dough. If the dough it tight add very little water to make it pliant.

Divide the dough into parts and add a few drops of different color of oil paint to each part and knead. If you need a darker color, add more paint and knead again.

Make small balls of the dough and flatten to shape like petals. If you have cutters you can also roll out the dough and cut from petal stencils. Take a small dough ball as the flower center and attach the petals to it with dabs of glue. Attach the ready stems to the base of the flower center and leave to dry in shade for a day or two.

Once dry, dip in clear varnish to give a long life to your creation.

Investment - where to put your money?

Me: I'm going to put half of my salary every month in a fixed deposit

People: good job

Me: I'm going to buy some gold with 3 month's salary

People: that's great!!

Me: I'm going to use a month's salary to buy a pair of shoes

People: (all googgly eyes and open mouths) what!!!!!! Are u craZy!!!!

And I get an instant psycho analysis:

- there must be some gap in my life I'm trying to fill

- I am buying happiness 

- I am a show off

- I am replacing people with things 

- blah blah blah etc etc.

WTH! Bugger it! I love shoes, bags, clothes and furniture. What's crazy about buying stuff I like NOW?

And yes, I am buying happiness. One beautiful pair of shoes can cure a terrible day instantly. I am buying confidence. Heck I have pretty feet, what's the harm in decking them up to be gorgeous. And all u short li'l men, it feels so good to stare u down from my towering 6 inch stilettos. Hah (evil laugh). 

So I'm gonna keep buying shoes (and other stuff). And one day they'll declare shoes as a priceless possessions and I shall be rich!

Happiness is in little things

I've been meaning to write this post for a while now. One of these Sundays that I went volunteering for the Dream a Dream foundation. It was a career counselling workshop for underprivileged children to help them understand the options that lay ahead of them.

Honestly, like always, it was more an eyeopener for me. As we took them through the various careers they can explore as they complete each education stage, their ambition was evident. And so was their creativity. There were some who wanted to be fashion designers, some event managers, some wanted to join the film industry and some wanted to do theater.

For some one as practical as I am, it was a great challenge to give them advise. How do I tell them that what they are aiming for may not be possible given their means while not quashing their ambition and passion? I really believe passion is a luxury that only the rich can afford. And yet it was impossible to tell them "don't do this". Instead I tried to tell them ways in which they can pursue these goals in some fashion while also looking at gainful employment.

The highlight of the day was "The Project of Life" where each of us had to draw our current life and what makes us happy and/or sad. And then draw our lives as we see them 10 years from now. Well it was a revelation seeing what they drew. Such simple wants and so much happiness! I won't get philosophical and go one about how we are all so materialistic and unhappy. Because I am most materialistic of them all and one of the real believers in the "money can buy happiness" religion.

But anyway, what I am trying to say is - one can fine happiness anywhere - in the smallest things in life. You just have to keep your eyes and hearts open. And this was a happy day in my life that I will remember. Check out a few clicks of what we were up to.

Pain in the a**

No really. I am going to be talking about an aching butt. Pain in the a** (PITA for further reference) just sounds better. And here, very involuntarily, the words that my husband will use with his band of boys pop in to my head. Can't write them here though. Some one might 'report abuse' and shut down my infrequent musings.

So well, this is a much delayed relay of my herculean task - a 20km cyclothon! Honestly, the last time I was on a cycle was almost a decade ago (I am ashamed to admit my age here, but old ,really old) and then I happily hop on to this geared contraption (they didn't even make this variety in my days!) to pedal on for 20 long kms on a rocky road no less.

I was just hoping that I won't fall off and make a spectacle of myself, much less stay on for the entire course. I happily thought that if I could pedal no longer I would turn and come back! What delusions! For schemers like us, the organisers had devised a devilishly clever secluded circuitous route. So really, I didn't know where I was at most times, therefore there was no option to turn back. Good way to keep the moral up!

We'll it was for a good cause, and we had these really neat smiley stickers on our tees. So on we paddled and after a few hours plodded and later just huffed and puffed our way back and collapsed in a heap.

After the first two hours, I could barely sit on the bike, had finished my water supply, and was baking in the hot sun. And when the victorious 2 (the sister in law had very sportingly joined me in this break back [break - not broke] activity) came back home, we were bedridden for the day with a solid headache! So much for adventure. But a couple of headache pills later I was game to try it out again at some later date.

Btw - still apologising to a friend whose big b'day surprise bash I missed bc I had to go cycle at 6. C'est la vie :)

The layered onion and parallel universes

A friend and I were having this discussion the other day about no one knowing us the exact same we. We are multiple personalities to multiple people to an extent that I think it’ll take some serious meditation for me to get to know ME. It’s like this layered onion metaphor that has been done to death one layer at a time. I’m not quite comfortable with comparing this thought to an onion, because honestly, once peeled, there is no way to put the layer back on the onion and also onions wither and die. While multiple facades are versatile - you put some on, you take some off, you mix and match, sometimes you reveal more and sometimes less, sometimes you add color and sometime make it monochromatic or stick with shades of grey. The permutations are so many that it’s almost impossible to create the same picture again.


So I’d like to think of them as parallel universes instead, not connected through a wormhole, but right there inside you. And one can pick the universe to be in at a point in time. You can flit in and out of them, escape from one to another and you don’t even need Lyra’s knife. There is no need for layers as the number of universes is infinite, so they can accommodate any number of your personality traits and create a new you. It’s the number of pictures that you create that makes a complex personality and that much more difficult to know YOU.

Sounds crazy? Maybe it is. But then, what isn’t :)

The slow death of creativity

So this Sunday Ju and I volunteered for Dream a Dream (DaD. Note: This is my short form for them, nothing official) Grad day. Dream a Dream is this NGO that works on developing life skills in underprivileged children. They were having this grand celebration for children who had completed their tenure with DaD. So we pitched in to help on the final day and arrived at this big auditorium at St. Joseph's school. Everyone was busy decorating, putting up cutouts, balloons, lights, speakers etc. to complete the set up for the afternoon ceremony. Ju and I were given the task of putting up streamers to brighten up the dull walls. And after a LOT of thought, THIS is what we could manage!!! Like really!!!

However, we did have an interesting chat on age and corporate culture destroying creativity. We couldn't do random things with the streamers! We had to arrange it neatly at the same height in the same pattern all over the place. And even AFTER we had this conversation, we went on sticking them the same way! That's adherence to guidelines for you! Bah... if only we were kids, we'd have had a field day with those paper strips.

But in any case, we did have a good time doing our bit for the decorations and the overall look with everything - the lights, the lasers, the fog machine, the music was really awesome and I believe the kids had a field day :)

A totally awesome way to spend a Sunday :D

The cinderella shoes

When the world is blue
and I can't seem to find my rose tinted glasses,
When the evenings stretch endless
I step into my Cinderella shoes and go dancing.

When the prince charming is missing
and fairy tales gather dust,
When loneliness creeps in with the shadows
I step into my Cinderella shoes and go dancing.


When diamonds lose their sparkle
and stars lose their sheen,
When twinkle dims in my eyes
I step into my Cinderella shoes and go dancing.


With rouge on my cheeks
and gloss on my lips,
With a shimmery dress and blow dried hair
I step into my Cinderella shoes and go dancing.


I sway with the music
and hear the beat pounding in my ears,
As I step into my Cinderella shoes and go dancing
the world is suddenly a better place.

The winner takes it all

"Mamma Mia' was on ZStudio today. So had to share this....

I don't want to talk

About things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history

I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That's her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence

Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

The Gods may throw the dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear

The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It's simple and it's plain
Why should I complain?

Tell me, does she kiss?
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same?
When she calls your name?

Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But, what can I say?
Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low


The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

I don't want to talk
'Cos it makes me feel sad
And I understand
You've come to shake my hand

I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence, but you see

The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all

The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

The winner takes it all

Memoirs of a Geisha

"Whatever our struggles and triumphs,

however we may suffer them,

all too soon they bleed into a wash,

just like watery ink on paper."

A very well worn copy of this book by Arthur Golden sits on my bookshelf.  I have leafed through it a hundred times to read excerpts or certain sections that I love. Being a popular book, I am sure most people know of this story inspired by the Geisha of Gion. There have been critics who have said that it idealises the life of a geisha and portrays it in a far more positive light than the reality. So be it. Books for me ARE an escape from reality, a journey in to a new place where you bring characters to life. Arthur Golden has done just that. It's beautiful writing, almost a sorrowful melody. One can picture little Chiyo running to the 'tipsy little house' on the hill and Sayuri dancing her life story in the streets, Okiya and tea houses of Gion.

When you peep beyond the exterior of the story - girl is sold as a Geisha and how she struggles through this life - you find a beautiful narrative of hope, patience and a stoic resolve. And the whole book is studded with beautiful quotes. One I can most relate to is:

"Grief is a most peculiar thing; we're so hopeless in the face of it. It's like a window that will simply open of its own accord. The room grows cold, and we can do nothing but shiver. But it opens a little less each time, and a little less; and one day we wonder what has become of it."

And I like that it has a happy ending. It makes you retain your faith in life. It tells you that your struggles will bear fruit one day.

I'd recommend it any day!

Rumpelstiltskin

Most of us have heard of Rumpelstiltskin, the mean imp who wanted to steal the queen's first born. At least that's what the story leads us to believe. I am not sure of the moral of these stories but for me it's all the wrong things. It basically tells us the following:

1. Your over ambitious parents can commit anything on your behalf and land you in trouble
2. The stupid rulers will believe any s*** anyone tells them and harass the 'junta'
3. Imps appear magically to help when one is in deep trouble (never seen one!)
4. When an a****** who wanted to kill you wants to marry you for the gold you can spin it makes everything alright (dowry harassment anyone?)
5. One can be stupid enough to fall in love with the above a****** and happily make babies
6. When the poor imp who saved your life comes back to be paid for his services, you call him evil. Who was it who made the stupid promise anyways??
7. Ultimately using all the resources you have you sneakily deceive the same guy who helped you in dire need and be very happy about it.

RIDICULOUS!!!

Thrissur Travails

No, I did not mean 'Travels', and I do hope someone appreciates our 'Travails' in making it to the wedding, although after it was over.

This trip was a bagful of 'firsts' as my fellow travellers will attest (unfortunately i cannot disclose details here). We left Bangalore at 5:00am for a 470km trip with just enough fuel in the car for 80kms. Obviously, didn't find a gas station till just the last few drops were left. Happy at getting the fuel, we zoomed, determine to make it to Thrissur in less than 10 hours - and hit a dog! A first that left the dog dead and my number plate broken. Shaken and shivering we tried to forget the incident, but Ved wouldn't let us!! Lord have no mercy on him.

By 6:30 we were starving, so took a detour in to Salem and stuffed ourselves for an hour. I will take the TN food any day over Bangalore. Then it was my turn to drive, as expected the world was awake, pedestrians were busy crossing roads, traffic was building up and the roads weren't getting any better. Finally, we made it to God's own country, without so much as a speck of scenic beauty (another one of the many lies told by our host to lure us there). Picked up beers that cost a lot, filled fuel that cost a lot less and had a brilliant lunch that made us super drowsy. Landed up at the hotel at 3:30 and were greeted by a 30 second appearance of the groom, not looking very groomy. Our host was a man of few words. All he could manage was "Wow! i can't believe you are here", thrice! not a peep from him otherwise in all of 1.5 days.

We noticed our hotel offered 'aurvedic massages' and rushed to get pampered and massaged and rested. For a long term massage veteran like me, it was a tad brutal while our resident 'Massage Virgin' has been scarred for life (saying any more on that has been prohibited on a death threat, so I shall desist). It did make us very sleepy though and rubbished all our sight seeing plans. We got out of our rooms at 9:00 only to be told that the town shuts at 8:00. Desperate and hungry we roamed the streets at night looking for a few scraps of food (sniff.. :( it was heartbreaking). Anyway, for those in our predicament we would recommend 'Hotel Akshaya' open till 1:00am with brilliant food.

Back to the hotel and into a deep sleep; we managed to get up at 9:00am. Our friend was already married by then! Still, hurried to get ready and reach the venue 25kms away only to get stuck in a traffic jam. Arrived at the venue to squeeze in one of the last pictures before they got off the stage for lunch. Since we had a late breakfast, couldn't eat a bite of lunch, which I am told was delicious. I did have the payasam though, which was indeed nice.


Got a scolding for being late so feeling really bad we thought we'll rush back and get ready for the reception early (we did it!). So afternoon sight seeing plans were dropped in favour of chilled beers and peanuts in the room and some mallu songs for the ambiance. Reached the reception before the wedded couple (phew!) and duly registered our attendance with a pic. No food again, 6:30 was a bit early after those beers and snacks and we were buzzed.

We finally said our good byes at 8 and ran up to catch some sleep. Left at 1:00am for our journey back to Bangalore after a dinner at 'Akshaya' again. After a VERY sleepy drive and endless stops for tea made it to Bangalore at 7:30am. Ah! what a bliss it was to just sleep and close my tired, swollen eyes. Unfortunately the other 3 are at their respective offices slogging away for a living. HAHA!

Unlocking a smile

I unlocked a smile today and turned out 'twas a very easy thing to do. All it took me was INR 201 and agreeing to do 3 simple things. You can do it too at https://www.unlocksmiles.com/tenksmiles/home.xhtml

I've volunteered for Dream A Dream a couple of times in the past year and the experience was definitely enriching for me. Very interesting to meet these children and see their zest for life and learning. They are extremely friendly and curious and make you so comfortable when you interact with them. Language barriers don't matter at all.

I have pledge to be a more active volunteer this year and also to connect with my old friends. Looking forward to a smiling year ahead.

I found my religion

I guess I no longer have to write "Atheist" when they ask my religion while filling in forms. I've found it finally. Well it's been there all along really, and I have been a faithful follower. But the divine light shone on me while having a chat with my best friend. It was the moment when she told me that she's bought her first pair of Jimmy Choo's. And in that conversation, my life changed forever, and so did my FB status. Shopping! Yes! THAT is my new religion. And like any other religious fanatic I have many reasons why you should follow my religion and no other:

1. It has the potential to unite 50% of humankind (do note I said 'human' not 'man' - though Gaurav can outshop me ANY day)
2. It gives you inner peace. There is nothing like 'retail therapy' to beat the blues
3. It gives you instant gratification. Not next life, not next year, it's here and now!
4. There is not 'auspicious' or 'inauspicious' time to do it. Unfortunately the 'temples' (stores) aren't open 24 hours
5. You can see where your money is going. You wish for something, pay for it, and hey it's urs. Plus the service is fabulous and sometimes you get discounts

The only unfortunate part is that religious wars may break out during 'sale' season.

Abrupt end to this blog. Very sleepy, cannot keep eyes open. But if you are a shopaholic like me.. add your reason as to why shopping should be declared a 'universal religion'.